WHAT'S THE BALANCE IN YOUR PERSONAL TRUST ACCOUNT?

By Suzanne Miley

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As they say, we are often our own worst enemy. We think we know ourselves better than anyone else because we spend 24/7 in our own skin. But, we many times say and do more damaging things to ourselves than we would ever even consider inflicting on someone we detest. We believe that we know the "real" us, and that deep down, that person isn't too great.

This never seemed logical to me. I mean, I knew at some level that I'm really a good person. I don't make a habit of hurting other people, I want to make a positive impact on the world, you know, all that good stuff. So, why did I sometimes hear myself saying things like "Why did you do that, you big dummy?", or "Get off your butt and do something, lazy"?

One day, out of the seeming blue, the answer hit me. I was so hard on myself because I didn't love myself enough. In other words, I had a "negative" balance in my personal "trust" account. I didn't trust myself enough to be the kind of person  I desired to be. And, I was the only one making all the withdrawals from my account.

How do you make withdrawals from your personal trust account? When someone says something hurtful that you know is untrue, and you remain silent. Or worse, you agree with them. When you start an exercise program and then don't go to the gym as you promised yourself. When you stay in a job that you know rewards you much less than you're worth, or conflicts with your personal values.

So, if you're making all the withdrawals, who's making deposits into your trust account? That would be you as well. Some examples of deposits are making and keeping social appointments with people that support you and matter to you. Or, telling someone immediately after they've intentionally hurt you that you won't take that from them. And meaning it. Or how about asking someone you admire to mentor you, then actually acting upon their advice.

Let me tell you something I believe with all my heart. You are a fantastic human being. You've just got to get out of your own way. What you've done and experienced in the past is gone, it's done, and most importantly, it's not you. You are not what you do or what has been done to you. You are what you are, and that's enough. Actually, it's more than enough. You're awesome!

Do me a favor and try to get a visual of your internal personal trust account. See a blank ledger page or an empty, clear glass piggy bank. Imagine today, you are starting with balance of zero, a totally clean slate. Now, try to think of a couple of a couple of deposits you can make to your account today. It's OK to start small. For example, make an appointment with yourself to take a 20 minute walk to enhance your physical health and to clear your mind. Or, call an estranged family member or friend and just let them know that you miss them. You don't necessarily have to apologize or reopen old wounds. Just be the one to reach out. Even if they reject you, your courage to pick up the phone and risk that pain will increase your self esteem enormously.

Now, after you've taken the walk or called your mother, take a few moments to savor the warm feelings of aliveness and accomplishment that you just created for yourself. Then, visualize a gold coin going into that piggy bank or writing $100 in the positive column of your ledger. If you don't feel your imagination is developed enough yet to do this, or you want a stronger visual image, then write on an actual ledger sheet or get a real piggy bank.

Unlike retirement or other financial accounts, you should never plan to make withdrawals from your personal trust account, only deposits. Someday, you account will be so vast, that you will be unstoppable. You will love and trust yourself so completely that it is impossible for you to do anything that will cause you any harm. Toxic relationships and under achievement will be relegated to your distant past.

Does this sound too simple to work? In my observation, happy and successful people do keep it pretty simple. They do what they can do and ignore just about everything else. I bet some of the most contented people on this Earth are spiritual beings that spend most of their time meditating and living simple lives. I'm not saying you have to rid yourself of all your worldly possessions and live in a monastery to achieve inner peace. Just spend some quiet time alone thinking about how you can increase the balance in your personal trust account and eliminate all those pesky withdrawals. And then as Nike says, "Just do it"!

 

(c) 2002 Suzanne Miley

Suzanne Miley is a serial entrepreneur that loves working with and helping other like minded people. You can reach her via E-mail at suzanne@workatmyhouse.com